


How (NOT) to Be An Assassin

by Albino_Artist



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angel Dust Being Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Angst, Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Asexual Character, Assassination, Assassination Attempt(s), Attempted Murder, Blood, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Human Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Human Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Torture, In no way is this a slowburn, M/M, Murder, SO MUCH FLUFF, Swearing, Violence, like seriously too much fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22151326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Albino_Artist/pseuds/Albino_Artist
Summary: Who would've thought that the top assassin couldn't go through with such an easy job?
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 61





	1. An Unfortunate Meeting

“So remind how much this asshole’s gonna pay me for somethin’ so simple?” Anthony asks, eyes wide, staring at his boss. His boss sighed, annoyed. “I’ve answered this question three times, kid. Are you gonna take the job or not?” Anthony laughs in disbelief. “Of course I’ll take the job are ya shittin’ me?!” He said jumping up from his chair, extending his hand to the other man, who shook it firmly.

Anthony practically skipped out of the room, very excited about his new job. He hummed a quiet tune while he made his way out of the building and began walking back to his apartment, which was surprisingly small for someone like him. Most of his money goes to other things so he doesn’t really have all that much to spend on a big fancy house. Besides, he lives by himself, why on earth would he need all that room?

He decided he would spend a little time looking through the file he was given about the target. He was very intrigued, which was fair considering who this man was. Alastor... A popular radio host who just happened to be a serial killer on the side. He was pretty attractive too, so all around he was just… an interesting man. Anthony honestly couldn’t wait to see him in person. He giggled to himself as he began to plan the man’s murder. He had a nice idea of where he should be and when. He decided the best idea was to strike at night, y'know to be discreet. He had everything planned out on his end and everything would go perfectly, so long as Alastor is where he’s supposed to be. 

-Later...-

The sun had long since gone down as Anthony waited quietly in an alleyway. At any moment in the near future, his target would be walking by this alleyway, on his way home from a late-night shift at the radio station. Anthony heard distant footsteps clicking, moving closer to him as every second passes by. Eventually, they were close enough to the alleyway, and it was time for Anthony to initiate his plan. 

It started with making a little bit of noise. Only enough to attract a curious idiot into the dark. He began lightly tapping against a stay trashcan. He heard the footsteps pause and possibly search around for a moment. Then they continued, slowly, and then there was none other than Alastor, his target, standing at one end of the alleyway. He peeked in and looked around a bit. Anthony began tapping again, bringing Alastor just a bit further into the alleyway. 

The way he moved... he seemed a bit… Confident? Was it because he’s killed people before? Is he just not afraid? Damn asshole probably thinks he can cheat death by just killing the other person, but there’s no way Anthony would go down that easily. He tapped once more, and Alastor just stood still, trying to look into the darkness. He moved the slightest bit closer and Anthony could finally get a good look at what he looked like and.. Holy shit. This might be a bit harder than Anthony anticipated. 

His cheeks flushed a very faint pink as he inspected the handsome man. He felt a sort of hesitation… He didn’t want to kill this man. He couldn’t… And so, he didn’t. He made an idiotic move and ditched his plan completely, and he couldn’t understand what part of him thought this was a good idea. He’d be dead if he didn’t do this. 

But there he went anyway. As quietly as he could, he crawled out the other side of the alleyway, sneaking around the building as fast as possible. As he neared the alleyway once again, he hoped Alastor was still investigating. And, thankfully, he was. He took a deep breath before loudly stepping closer, and then he spoke. He actually talked to him. “What’s an attractive man like you doing out here, alone, in the dark? Y’know these streets aren’t exactly the safest at night.” He spoke, casually. Alastor turned around alarmed. He seemed confused, probably not having heard Anthony arriving. 

“I.. um. I was on my way home from work.” He spoke. Anthony could’ve sworn he fell for him right then and there. His voice was so sweet, so soft. He tried to push away the pink that once again stained his face. “No excuse, it’s really dangerous to be out here alone,” Anthony said. “Want someone to walk ya home?” Anthony suggested. Alastor laughed, “Believe me, I can handle myself.” He stated, confidently, a smile spreading across his face. 

Anthony shook his head, “No, no, no I insist.” Anthony said reaching out a hand. Alastor slowly walked towards him glaring. “This is kind of funny actually,” Alastor said, laughing. “You don’t even know anything about me, you don’t know my name or my intentions! Maybe I could kill you right now, you couldn’t know. Ha! And you’re the one telling me to be careful!” He burst into laughter, almost falling over. 

After a moment he finally stops, taking a few deep breaths. Anthony just stared at him as all of this went down. He has never felt so incredibly confused before now. But before he could even begin to think, Alastor was talking again and walking closer to him. “But, I’m no crazy person, I would never kill another human, and you seem decently trustworthy, so I suppose I’ll take your offer.” He said, walking past Anthony back to the main street. Anthony just stands there, hearing Alastor’s shoes clicking against the street again, and then they pause. “Well? Are you coming? You did offer to walk me home you know.” He said, then continuing to walk.

Anthony walked behind him for a moment before catching up and walking steadily at his side. “So what is your name, stranger?” Anthony asked, trying to get a conversation going. They paused for a moment, “Alastor, a pleasure to be meeting you.” He said, holding his hand out, and Anthony shook it, staring into his breathtaking maroon eyes. “I’m Anthony.” He said. He probably looked like an idiot, being so awestruck by this guy, and he knew it. He was a gay mess and he couldn’t help it. Alastor retracted his hand and continued walking, Anthony continuing on with him.

“Sooooo..” Anthony started awkwardly. “Now that we’ve introduced ourselves, what do ya wanna talk about?” He asked. He was a bit too nervous for his own good. Alastor laughed, he could clearly tell how nervous Anthony was now. “Calm down, Anthony there’s no need for a useless chat. Why can’t we just be comfortable in the silence? It’s a beautiful night after all. Just look up at the lovely stars.” Alastor says, calmly, taking his own advice and looking up into the night sky. 

He sighed happily, seeming to find comfort in the stars, and so Anthony looked upwards as well. It really was a beautiful night, he couldn’t deny that. But, he did want to get to know Alastor. He seemed like the kind of guy that would have an even weirder secret besides being a serial killer, of course. Maybe he was into some kinky shit, and Anthony really wanted to know. And if he doesn’t find out now, he’ll never get another chance. And so he took a chance and asked a stupid question, of course. 

“Um... Are you a cat or a dog person?” He asked. Alastor chuckled quietly. Clearly, Anthony wouldn’t give up on getting to know him. He took a moment to think before answering. “Honestly, I think cats are better. They’re a bit cuter, don’t you agree?” His answer was so innocent. How on earth could this man have killed people before??? “I totally agree!” Anthony exclaimed. “They’re just so perfect for cuddles when you need ‘em!!” Anthony began laughing very lightly. Maybe... Just maybe Alastor was starting to like this guy. 

Anthony decided to keep going with the silly questions. Just simple things to learn about Alastor. Start it off in a friendly way. “How about… coffee or tea?” Anthony asked, less nervous this time. “Hmm…” Alastor once again took a moment to think. “It depends on my mood. Then again, caffeine never really does much for me anyway, I’m practically always tired.” Alastor replied. Anthony nodded in agreement. He felt so strangely comfortable with Alastor and they haven’t even known each other for an hour. And honestly, he was having fun. They went back and forth asking stupid, cliche questions. And before they knew it, they were paused in front of a small-ish house. 

They had to say goodbye. Anthony wasn’t expecting it to be so hard. But honestly, Anthony can’t thank god enough for giving him the courage to ask to exchange phone numbers. No way was Anthony gonna let a guy like that get away. And so, they happily exchanged numbers and parted ways for the night. 

Anthony walked home silently. He was so lost in thought. He couldn’t believe he completely ignored the whole point of tonight. If he isn’t careful, he’d be the one dead, and someone new would be hired to get rid of Alastor. He’s not gonna let that happen. If someone’s gonna get rid of Alastor, it’s gonna be him. 

Anthony was so deep in thought that he didn’t even notice when he reached his apartment building. He sighed as he unlocked the front door of the building and began walking up the stairs. Once he reached his apartment and went inside, he ripped off his shoes. He really hadn’t noticed how badly his feet hurt from all the walking. He needs to get a fucking car. 

He went into his room, and flopped onto the bed, he was too tired to shower now, he’d take care of it in the morning. And just like that, he was out. Peacefully sleeping that beautiful night away.


	2. Totally not a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor takes Anthony on the most cliche date (?) you can probably think of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I just want to start by saying I AM SO SORRY!!! I know I said the next chapter would be soon but here we are SIX MONTHS LATER. I really am sorry to anyone who genuinely enjoyed the first chapter. I also want to apologize for the fact that this chapter is about the same length as the first one, despite what I said. I had so much trouble getting motivated and staying that way long enough to get the words out of me. And with one more big SORRY, I shall thank you for your time and hope you enjoy my mess of barely edited work that really shouldn't have taken so long :)

‘Ping’ 

Anthony’s phone goes off and he reaches for it, tired as hell. He was half expecting an annoying text from his boss but to his surprise, it was from Alastor. He tried to keep calm but he couldn’t help but smile at his phone as he unlocked it to reply.

Al ♡: Good morning, Darling. Did you sleep well?

Anthony tried not to laugh at the text. He thought it was super adorable that Alastor sent him a ‘good morning’ text. Not to mention with perfect grammar and punctuation.

I’ve slept better  
how about you

Al ♡: I had a delightful night of sleep. Would you like to talk about why you didn’t sleep well?

Anthony couldn’t stop thinking about how grammatically correct Al’s texts were. Who even uses punctuation when texting? This weirdo, clearly.

Yknow nightmares and stuff  
Work too, I don’t live for free 

Al ♡: Well if There’s anything I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to ask.  
Al ♡: I know a nice place in town that sells dream catchers. I’d be glad to bring you.

Really?  
I heard those things don’t work for shit

Al ♡: Not these ones, my dear.  
Al ♡: I can’t say that I’ve tried them myself but I’ve got some reliable sources.  
Al ♡: I’ll even pay if you wish.

…  
What time.

Anthony couldn’t believe himself right now. He was doing the cliche thing again. Standing over a selection of outfits and being frustrated. He doesn’t have a very big color selection when it came to clothing. Black, red, some pink here and there, and a few randomly colored, weirdly styled shirts. 

Blue? No, not really his color. The shirt gets tossed on the floor. Maybe yellow? He examines it closer… Yeah no. How does somebody even dress for something like this? It’s not a date or anything so nothing too fancy, but is casual too obvious? Maybe a nice dark red would fit the occasion. Anthony grabs a simple red cropped hoodie and throws it on, giving up. 

He sighs and flops on his bed straight into a pile of earlier rejected shirts. He was almost starting to fall asleep when his phone chimes with a message from Alastor. He’s waiting outside the apartment building. Anthony smiles and gets up, shoving his phone in his pocket, happily skipping out the door, nearly forgetting to lock it and grab the keys. 

When he got to the door he was surprised and excited to see Alastor standing there with lovely pink tulips and an adoring smile on his face. Anthony blushes and smiles back, accepting the flowers from Alastor. “Damn dude how on earth did you manage to guess my favorite color of flowers?” Anthony questions, giggling.

Alastor laughs a bit too, “To be honest darling, I wasn’t too sure about pink. I may have spent a bit too much time deciding between a few different colors..” His cheeks turn light pink as well and his eyes shift to the side a bit. Anthony smiles brighter and walks past Alastor onto the street. “So where are ya takin’ me, Al?” Anthony asks, already knowing the answer. They already talked about it. 

Alastor sighs. “I highly doubt you forgot already, dear. But if you truly did forget, we’re going to a shop to get a dream catcher for you.” He replies, with a bitter tone. Anthony laughs and playfully punches Alastor. He then proceeds to grab his hand and start running down the street. 

“Ah! Anthony, dear please slow down, you don’t even know where we’re going!!” Alastor yells, using his free hand to make sure his glasses stay on his face. Anthony doesn’t stop running until they end up in front of a cozy looking cafe. Anthony is catching his breath and laughing while Alastor fixes his glasses, and smiling lightly. 

“Hey what do you think about a coffee break first, Al?” Anthony asks, already pulling on Alastors sleeve to bring him into the cafe. It smells like coffee and freshly baked pastries. Anthony is basically jumping with happiness. There’s no wat he needs caffeine when he’s acting like this. Alastor considers interfering but he knows all too well it will do nothing. 

Anthony is up at the counter ordering pretty much as soon as they’re through the door. He got some super sugar-filled drink. It’s probably like 5% actual coffee. He also got two pink cake pops just for the hell of it. Alastor just orders some kind of weird tea with sugar. They get their stuff and sit down at one of the many tables. 

It’s a decently sunny day compared to the usual weather. Anthony wanted to spend as much time as possible with Alastor while the weather was actually decent. But Alastor insisted they stay at the cafe for a bit and chat. Anthony reluctantly agreed to stay.

Before either of them knew it, they were involved in a super deep conversation, just intently listening to the other tell stories or talk about themself. Anthony can practically feel himself falling harder for Alastor the more they talk. They had long since finished their drinks and at this point didn’t even know why they were still there.

“Oh, I just remembered we never actually stopped by that shop!” Alastor exclaims. Anthony looks confused for a moment before realizing what he meant. “Oh, right! Well, we should get going then.” He says with a smile. He once again grabs Alastor’s sleeve, but this time a lot nicer, and they were on their way.

-Time Skip because it’s not likely that anything fun will happen at the shop-

Anthony grabs Alastor’s hand as they walk out of the shop, down the street in the direction of Anthony’s apartment. The walk is silent but in no way is it awkward. When they eventually arrive at Anthony’s building, he smiles at Alastor. 

“Thanks for today, Al.” He mumbles. Alastor says nothing but, the look in his eyes was enough. Angel leans in and gives him a soft kiss on the cheek. Alastor turns red and smiles. “I should be going, my dear.” He goes to turn and leave, but Anthony grabs his arm. Anthony stares at the concrete sidewalk before looking into Alastor’s mocha-colored eyes.

“Stay?” Is all he can manage to get out. Alastor sighs with a fond smile. “Of course my dear.” He says back as he takes Anthony’s hand and follows him to his apartment.  
When they reach the door, Anthony lets go of Alastor’s hand and fumbles with his bag to find his keys. His hands were trembling slightly, although he couldn’t figure out why. After digging for a minute or two, he found his keys, and unlocked the door, opening it awkwardly. He then clears his throat and mumbles, “Welcome to my humble abode.”

Alastor chuckles, most likely at his awkwardness. “It’s lovely, dear.” He says while removing his shoes. Anthony does the same, but a lot more rushed. “Give me a minute, I’m gonna change into something comfier.” He says with a smile and walks into his room at the end of a short hallway.

Alastor wanders over to the small couch and takes a seat. He looks at his phone for the time. Barely past 7:00. After a few minutes, Anthony walks back out in a white fluffy sweater and some pink shorts. Alastor tries his best not to stare at him.

“Um, do you want anything or eat or drink?” Anthony asks, without making eye contact. Alastor takes a moment to think, “A glass of water would be good.” He says, happily. Anthony nods and heads for the kitchen, shuffling his feet against the wood floor.

He returns to the small couch with two glasses of water and a bowl of popcorn, from a bag probably, considering there was no sound of a microwave or any popcorn making of any sort. Anthony sits on the other side of the couch from Alastor and hands him his glass.

“So, I was thinking maybe we could watch a movie or something. I don’t have any fancy streaming services but I have pretty much every Disney movie ever on DVD.” He says gesturing to his shelf full of messily placed movie cases. “Also if Disney isn’t you’re thing I have other stuff--”

“Anthony, darling.” Alastor cuts in. “How about you choose.” He says with a smile. Anthony pulls himself off the couch and shuffles over to the shelf. He looks over his options for a minute before settling on one. He pops it out of the case and into the DVD player, grabbing the remote that sat on top of it while he was there.

He “gracefully” flopped back onto the couch, nearly spilling the popcorn bowl that sat barely a few inches from where he landed. After receiving a half-assed chuckle from Alastor, he continued to stuff his mouth with popcorn while setting up the movie.

It took a few minutes but Anthony finally got it working and the movie was finally playing. Anthony, however, was paying almost no attention to the lost princess singing about her life locked away though. He was too distracted trying to figure out how to get closer to Alastor without him noticing. 

Every few minutes he would slowly scootch a few inches closer to the other side of the couch. He noticed just a bit too late though, that he was not nearly as stealthy as he had thought because, as soon as he was in reach, Alastor wrapped his arm around Anthony’s shoulder. His face warmed up as it turned red. Even so, he snuggled into Alastor’s shoulder, and before he knew it, he was asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this was kinda short but I just really wanted to release this story, the next chapter should be longer???


End file.
